Memories Lost, Not Forgotten
by DariceF
Summary: Maura has been acting strange, and pretty soon Jane discovers the brutal truth. She tries to help Maura through the initial process of trying to understand what's happened but it's very difficult and she often questions if she'll be okay. TRIGGER WARNING:Rape AN: I would love to hear some feedback :) Hope you enjoy!
1. Chapter 1

CHAPTER 1

Maura became frustrated at her lack of memory; the room seemed to heat up as she searched for something, anything, that could tell her what happened last night.

"Why is it so warm in here?" she asked, yanking her thick sweater off. She looked over at Jane, whose face had suddenly changed to a look of concern.

"Maura how did you get those bruises?"

Maura looked down at her arm, and noticed five large purple welts that stood out against her pale skin.

She rested her hand gently over the bruises and suddenly, brutal images of the previous night rushed back to her. She didn't know how to tell Jane. They were best friends, they trusted each other . . . But still... It was difficult.

"I was in the parking lot," she said. Her throat was dry and she could barely get the words out.

"He came up behind me, he pinned me down. He…" she trailed off, as if her mind had caught up with the words she was about to say.

"No." The word came out of Jane's mouth on shaky breath, in horror. She watched as Maura's eyes widened and the grip she had on her own arm seemed to tighten. Jane was immediately up from her chair and at Maura's side. She was breathing heavily but she needed to hold it together, for Maura.

"We should get you to the hospital and get you checked out." She tried to be calm and reassuring but it just wasn't possible. There was nothing okay about this. Nothing.

Jane continued to look at the bruises; worrying about how many more were under that dress. Maura slouched in the chair, her arms folded around herself, and Jane couldn't help but notice how her thighs were pressed tightly together. She had seen this when she'd interviewed other rape victims. She remembered it as being a subconscious form of self-defense.

"Jane, I don't remember." Her voice was panicky. Jane crouched beside her and tried to look in her eyes but they were hazed over. A tear escaped down her check.

"I need to be processed," she whispered, almost robotically. That scared Jane. When something really bad happened, Maura became detached and robotic, spouting millions of her random scientific facts.

"Not until you're ready," Jane replied soothingly, trying not to upset her friend even more.

"Evidence is better sooner," Maura stated. The car ride to the hospital was eerily silent. Jane tried a few times to speak but Maura was still zoned out. When they arrived they were taken into a side room right away. Maura sat still as her blood was drawn. She followed all the instructions as if she was under autopilot. The bruises on her arm were carefully photographed and when that was finished, she was handed a paper evidence bag to put her clothes in. She slowly undid the zipper on her dress and carefully slipped out her arms, letting it drop onto the paper sheet on the floor. Jane had to momentarily turn away as she caught sight of the bruise on Maura's rib cage and the two larger ones on her inner thighs.

Maura looked down at her injuries. She didn't know if she wanted all the memories back, but she felt as if she had to know more than the short clips that she did have. The aching all over her body reminded her that this was real, even though it didn't feel like it.

"Maura, they need your underwear too," Jane said softly. She must have zoned out. She had been there during a rape kit before, but this was different.

Maura laid with her eyes closed and her arms rested gently over her stomach. She had put on the hospital gown the nurse gave her. She looked ill and her skin had taken on a slight sheen of sweat. There was knock at the door and a women entered wearing navy blue scrubs and a white coat.

" I'm Doctor Cameron. I'll be doing the exam." Maura opened her eyes but didn't move.

"I'm going to need you to slide to the end of the bed." Doctor Cameron's voice was soft but you could tell she was the kind of woman who could be in charge if she needed to. Maura did as instructed, once again on auto pilot. Jane stood next to her and pulled one of her hands into her own. Maura closed her eyes as the exam began. It brought back the feelings and images she remembered, the ones she didn't want to see.

Jane felt Maura's grip tighten around her hand as the exam progressed. Maura breathed in deeply and winced. It was all too much for her to handle.

After what seemed like hours, Doctor Cameron finally finished the exam. She handed the rape kit to Jane who, as soon as she held the white box in her hands, became overwhelmed with sadness for Maura but also determination. She would find out who did this to her.


	2. Chapter 2

CHAPTER 2

"It's been three weeks and we have nothing." Jane was exhausted. She had spent her every waking hour at the precinct, just trying to find something. Anything. It had been three weeks since the attack and there was still no progress. The DNA from the rape kit didn't match anybody in the system, there were no witnesses, no cameras, no other physical evidence, nothing.

Maura needed answers too. She was tired. Of all of it. Tired of the questions. Question after question... _"What were you wearing? What were you doing out that late? Why were you alone?"_ Like those things had anything to do with why she was attacked . . . She was tired of people being worried about her and tired of being afraid. She was tired of being tired.

Jane and Maura had been sitting next to each other in the car, which was parked outside the precinct, for over an hour. Neither of them said much. What was there to say? They were certain that this day would be just like the past few weeks; searching and searching, to no avail. Rereading the report until their eyes were sore. Searching on the computer for witnesses, suspects, and any small lead, until their fingers could barely move. All of this, and no results.

"I just don't understand. How can there be nothing?" Maura couldn't take it anymore. "I was raped in a parking lot full of cars and there were people inside the building, just a few dozen yards away! I went to the hospital, suffered through a four hour exam, I've been back and forth to the station more times than I can even count! How the hell is there nothing?! I don't get it, Jane!" A tear slipped from her pink and puffy eyes. Luckily she had worn waterproof mascara, so no one would notice she wasn't okay. If they saw she had sat in Jane's car and cried, or if they knew about the nightmares she had all night and all day, they would look at her worse than they already did. She couldn't look at somebody without them giving her a look of sympathy. She had to be okay because if she wasn't, those looks would be pity. She didn't need, or want, to be pitied.

Jane grabbed Maura's hand and held it comfortingly on her lap. "Maura, we will find something. I don't know what, or when, but we will. I promise. I will never stop looking, not until we solve this. I don't care if I take this case to my deathbed, I am not letting that man get away with what he did to you. But, you know what? You are strong. The strongest person I know. You can get through this, and you will. Trust me." She felt bad for Maura because she knew that Maura wasn't fine, as much as she pretended to be. Jane knew that Maura couldn't turn a corner without wincing inside. And Jane also knew that the only way to help Maura was to find out who did this, but she felt lost.

After another 20 minutes, they entered the precinct. They scanned their IDs and got in the cold elevator, the same way they had for the past 10 years, except now everything had changed.

The ringing of Jane's desk phone pierced through the silence. It was almost 1 in the morning and she was the only detective still at the station; everyone else had gone home hours ago. She was exhausted from the long day and her only savior was the coffee machine near her desk and the stash of Red Bull in her bottom desk drawer. She longed for some sleep but she couldn't stop working; not yet. She was so close. She could feel it. Suddenly, her computer beeped and a new window popped up. She read it and was speechless.


End file.
